As some might have noticed, I've been having a lot of problems lately with writing. I haven't written anything related to Anything you want in ages, and it takes me more and more time to continue my other fic, Decay. I guess it's another writer's block again... I'm currently working on one oneshot request, fortunately I've actually been able to write it, even if it felt difficult to start. I've also written little bit of my next multi-chaptered fic, but only like one page or so, so it really isn't much.
Not only has writing felt difficult, it's been the same with drawing. It's not like I don't want to draw more fanart, or pages and illustrations for the webcomic Azure... It just nearly impossible to get anything on paper anymore. My recent Hitsugi fanart was basically an accident, I wasn't really you know,
there, while I was drawing, I was tired and running on only caffeine. And this really makes me sad, I remember the time when I just absolutely loved to draw. I recently counted how much I used to draw in the past, and it shocked me to find out that during 2012, I've drawn like one third of what I used to draw during in the earlier years... And it really scares me, how am I supposed to know if the amount of drawings will reduce to zero eventually?
I've been feeling extremely anxious and tired this year. It's been a fight almost every day to even force myself to get out of bed this Fall. Eventually one of my teacher's noticed that something was wrong and talked to me about it, and it lead me to go see a psychologist. This was little over two months ago. Now, after talking with the psychologist, I was sent to a doctor and today I got a prescription for anti-depressants. In other words, I've been diagnosed with depression. And it sucks. I don't really feel like I can talk about it with, well, anyone. I've tried talking about the visits to the psychologist, but I just can't say it to my friends when I'm talking to them on the phone or face to face. None of my relatives know about this either, and holidays are going to difficult because I'm gonna go visit my family and I don't want them to know about my meds. So... yeah.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to continue Anything you want anymore. I've been thinking how it should go on until my head had started to hurt, but I honestly have no idea what to do with it. So, unless a miracle happens, it will stay as an unfinished fic. I'm deeply sorry for those who have waited patiently for it to continue.
And though Decay has been causing difficulties as well, I'm more positive that I'll be able to continue it, with some luck I'll write the chapter before the start of the new year. Sorry for the wait on its part as well.
And sorry for such a depressing journal, I just felt like I owed an honest explanation of why I've been so inactive this year for those who have been wondering about it. You have no idea how much every fav, comment and +watch have cheered me up, not to mention it when dear
ReinShiroyama gave me a premium membership.
(I'll get to her 'thank you'-pic soon enough, I've always found it easier and more inspiring in a way to draw for others)